


Half a Goodbye

by unsubstitute



Category: Shefani, The Voice (US) RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-07 14:06:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10362147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unsubstitute/pseuds/unsubstitute
Summary: Sun is setting on your last good try.





	

Gwen. 

 

She's covered in sweat. His, more than her own. She loves the smell of his bed. It's not even a good smell, salty and earthy, but it smells like him, and them together. 

He's lying under her, flat on the mattress. Pillows and blankets are casualties scattered on the floor. She's more or less on top of him, one leg thrown over him, with her thigh just barely grazing his scrotum. Her toes play with the curly hair on his calf while her fingernails doodle on the skin of his chest. She's holding him like a vice, clamped to him so tightly she leaves her remaining wetness on his skin. 

Blake is barely moving. His eyes are closed and his body is still. She might think he was asleep if not for the way his hand is massaging her ass cheek, kneading it like a ball of dough. 

After a few more minutes, she gets restless. She kisses his cheek and let's her lips graze his ear as she asks, "I'm gonna get some water, are you thirsty?"

He grunts and opens his eyes. Even in the low light of the hallway outside the door, they glisten. She's never been this close to blue eyes before, and she spends a lot of time staring at them. Dark eyes are dense, like doors you have to work to open. These blue eyes are crystal clear windows. She can see into them, and the view goes on for miles. 

"Water, yes. But I can get it." 

When he starts to sit up, she straddles him, pushing him back. She follows him down, letting her whole body slide against him as she kisses him. "That's okay," she says into his mouth. "I want to get up anyway." 

She crawls off of him, and looks around for something to wear. Their clothes are on the other side of the bed, but the house is empty and the shades are drawn, so she makes her way down to the kitchen in the nude. It's liberating, the feeling of doing something she’s never been allowed to do before, like the first night out after a curfew is lifted. 

She finds her way to his cupboards and fridge and it hits her that she's spent so much time here now that she feels perfectly at home helping herself to water in the middle of the night. There's no fumbling around, no searching for where he keeps the glasses, she already knows. She drinks her own water standing in front of the refrigerator, then pours a second glass and heads back upstairs. 

When she returns, Blake hasn't moved from his position. She sets the water down on the nightstand by his head and crawls on top of him, settling herself low on his waist, a knee tucked against each of his hips. 

He opens his eyes when he feels her there and lets out an appreciative hum. He looks her up and down, taking his time about it, like he needs to memorize her. His hands automatically find her, and are not shy about exploring her skin. They start gripping her knees then run up the length of her thighs. His fingertips graze the curves of her ass as his palms apply pressure on her hips. When his thumbs massage the grooves below her hip bones, liquid begins pooling between her legs. He must feel it, the heat of it at least, because a small satisfied smile creeps across his lips. 

His hands continue their journey, taking their time to slide up her sides, palms splayed flat to explore as much surface as they can manage. They travel inward to cover her breasts. As his thumbs stroke the sensitive underside, her back arches as she lets out a moan. His smile vanishes as his lips part at the sound, and beneath her she feels the first twitch of life. 

His hands move upwards again, sliding slowly up her chest, up her neck, until they rest cupping her face, long fingers threading into her hair, thumbs stroking the lines of her jaw. 

He uses his hands to guide her down to meet him, pulling her mouth to his. No matter how many times she kisses him, and it's so many she's lost count now, she is always amazed by how perfect it feels. His lips are so soft and pliable, and he seems to anticipate every tiny movement, every next desire. Their mouths dance and their tongues play. They are perfectly in sync. 

He moves one arm to encircle her, holding her against him. She moves her legs out so she rests flush against him, relaxing into the feeling of an endless kiss. With the security of his arm around her supporting her, she moves her hands, one to play with his hair and one to rub up and down his side. 

She senses another twitch below her and moves her hand down between his legs. After a moan he breaks his mouth away. "Mm, dammit, what time is it?" He asks. 

She stops her movements and exhales, propping herself up on an elbow. "I don't know, like two or something, I think." 

He hits his head against the mattress. "I think I better stop this. I really ought to rest."

She hums, and rests her chin on his shoulder. He rubs her back in long strokes all the way up and down. "What time's your flight?" 

"About 7, need to be there about 6:45. I don't know why the hell I made it for so early." 

She shifts again, propping her chin up in her hand. "Where are you going again?"

He chuckles a little. "North Dakota, to see a buddy play. She was a contestant on my team actually. I'm trying to help her out. Then I'll be doing some deep sea fishin in Mexico with some buddies. Kevin, you know him, and a couple others. Then it's over to Nashville for an Opry thing. So that's up to the end of this month." 

"That's a lot, " she says. 

"I know, it's all fun stuff but still. I’m tired just thinking about it."

Her mind swirls. She has too many thoughts she doesn't want to say out loud. “Then what’s next?”

At the very end of the small of her back, his hand curls. The touch sends a shiver up her spine. He follows the rush, trailing the flat edge of his knuckles slowly along her vertebra. “You mean...what do you mean?” he says.

She opens her mouth to ask the questions she’s been thinking about for weeks. When can we do this again and could we do it forever? But when she tries to form the words, her mouth goes dry. She laughs to give herself a minute, and then tries again. “Do you have a lot next month too?” 

“Oh,” he says. His hand slows, and now he drags just his fingertips in a wayward pattern across her back, the salt of their mingled sweat making his callouses stick to her skin. “Well, uh, got a bunch of stuff going on in Nashville later in the month. A couple of gigs. A radio awards thing in Vegas. It’s not as crazy as the summer. Thank god.” 

“That’s good.” Her words come out as a murmur. There’s a catch in her throat she can’t explain. Sitting up, she reaches over him to take a sip from the water on the nightstand. While she’s reaching, she stretches out to retrieve a pillow strewn on the floor. When she’s up again, she scoots back against the wooden headboard, hugging the pillow to her body for cover. 

He rolls over on his side to face her, and holds his head in his hand as he watches her. After a minute he reaches out and cups her knee with his hand. His fingers work in a synchronized circling motion to massage her skin, a touch so delicate it doesn’t quite tickle. “What about you?” he asks. 

She looks into those eyes of his for a minute, trying to decide if the hidden meaning she wants is there in his question. She’s not sure if it’s staring at her or it’s in her imagination. She shrugs. “No Doubt rehearsals start this week. We have festivals on the weekends in September...I think like the first 3 weeks? Maybe 4 I’m not sure. And other than that I’m gonna try to spend some time writing. I start sessions with that new girl this weekend. So I guess it’s a lot. Like, more than I’m used to I guess.”

“Sounds fun, though” Blake says. He smiles at her, but doesn’t look totally happy. “I wish I could come to a No Doubt show. I’d love to see y’all play.” 

“Well…” she starts and stops. Is she reading too much into that? He’s a country singer, not a 90s punk kid or a rock chick or any of her normal fans. She doesn’t say anything else. Instead she reaches a hand out and plays with the damp curls on the top of his head. 

They sit there in silence for a long time, enjoying each other’s gentle touches with no idea what to say next. She knows what she should say, but in her experience, wanting too much from someone never works out the way she hopes. As she glides her fingers through his hair again, she studies his face. He looks up at her and gives her a soft smile. He looks so innocent, there’s no cockiness, no cynicism, just a nice guy with a beautiful face. 

“So when’s the next time you’ll be in LA then?” She asks it fast, like that will make hearing the answer easier. 

He sits up, reaching for a pillow of his own, then joining her against the headboard, legs out in front of him, pillow on his lap, gaze straight ahead. “Well, I guess that’s...the next time I have to be here is October, when we start filming next season. I don’t know when exactly, the middle of the month probably.” 

“Oh wow. That’s like, a long time from now,” she says.

“I know.” 

She waits for him to continue and when he doesn’t she starts to squirm. Her mind is spinning. He’s not smiling, but he’s not doing anything either. He seems calm. 

“So now what? Are we gonna just like, go and do our thing and maybe like, pick it up again like, whenever you get back to town, if we’re still feeling it?”

His eyes go a little wide and he frowns, turning towards her a little. “I mean...is that what you want?” 

She wants to cry, but pushes it back. Salt stings the back of her mouth. With burning eyes and a cloudy mind it’s hard to read him. The windows seem to be shuttered, and she doesn’t know what to say. To distract herself, she stands and rummages around the dimly lit room in search of her clothes. He stands, finding his boxer briefs first and then holding her jeans out to her. 

Pieces of memories flash in front of her. Sometimes, it feels like she’s spent her entire life waiting for a relationship where she’ll feel like she’s someone’s everything. But instead she’s felt nothing but disappointment. Sometimes, she feels like maybe Blake would be different, that finally the feeling would be mutual with him.

“I’m just...,” she sighs. “That’s like, so far away. It’s like almost longer than we’ve been even doing...this, I think. What if...” she shakes her head, unwilling to even say her next fear out loud.

In their bare feet, he towers over her. He takes a step toward her so that his shadow engulfs her and his shoulders block her view of the rest of the room. She almost laughs, because if she didn’t know he was such a sweet, giggly person, he’d seem kind of scary. Scary in a way completely different from how he terrifies her. 

Still, she’s drawn to him in a way she’s never experienced before, with anyone. It’s like a magnet that wraps her arms around his waist and lets her bury her face in his bare chest. She loves the feeling of his body. Slim and strong, but soft at the time. He feels so good. His arms wrap around her shoulders and he hunches to kiss the top of her head, letting his lips lay there in her hair. She kisses his breast bone in return and looks up at him without untangling herself. 

“I don’t want to lose our friendship,” she says. “You mean a lot to me.” 

He smirks, but his eyes are dim. “You mean a lot to me too.” 

He dips in to kiss her and even as she melts into his perfect mouth she feels herself on the verge of tears. He breaks away after a moment. 

The way he looks at her then, it’s exactly how she’s always imagined someone might look at her. But he’s charming and sweet, and it might just be the way he looks at people. He hasn’t let go of her, but he still hasn’t said anything. 

“I should let you get some sleep,” she says. 

He sucks in a long breath. “Yeah, probably.” 

She takes a step back. “So…”

“So...um. Here, I’ll walk you out.” 

“Oh, okay,” she follows him as he leads her out the master bedroom, and passes him as he gestures for her to go first down the stairs. 

When they get to the door, he stares at her intensely, and the blue in his eyes gets darker the longer she looks. “Are you sure?” he says. 

She tilts her head, waiting for more, but it doesn’t come. “I mean, I’ll talk to you,” she says. “And maybe we can like, see what happens when you’re in LA again. Right?”

He shrugs. “Whatever you think. I mean...yeah. You’re probably right. Sounds like we both got a lot going on.” 

She nods, not sure what will come out if she tries to speak again. He puts an arm around her and leans in, resting his lips against her temple. It’s almost a whisper when he says, “Get home safe.”

This time when she looks at him he barely meets her eyes. She nods and walks out the door. 

By the time she reaches her car, she thinks she might throw up. Everything seems so wrong. The entire drive home she thinks about the way he looked before she left. Like he was going to shut down. He’s never refused to look her in the eye since the day they met. It’s one of her favorite things about him. Her thoughts spiral as she thinks of all her other favorite things about him. She’s sitting parked in her driveway well before the list is over. And then she thinks again about what he said tonight. What did she think? What did she want? And it hits her, in all her fear she never noticed she has no idea what he wants for himself. He was leaving it all entirely up to her. 

She pulls out her phone with one hand and rubs at her eyes with the other, clearing away silent tears. 

He answers on the second ring. 

“What do you want?” she says. 

He sounds a little taken aback. “I don’t know, Gwen. You called me.” 

Her giggle gets tangled with her tears and stings her throat. She coughs and tries again. “No, no. I mean. What do you want to happen? Like, with us?” 

He sighs, and stays quiet for too long. “Blake?” 

“I don’t need to wait,” he says. 

“What?”

“I don’t need to wait until I get back to town. What you said you wanted? That’s not...I already know I’m gonna want the same thing then as I do now.” 

“Which is?”

There’s another pause before he responds. “You. Just you.”

“Oh.” She can barely get out more than a whisper and she’s not totally sure he hears her. 

“I want to keep seeing where this is headed. And not in 2 months, either,” he continues.

“I’m scared,” she says. 

He laughs. “Me too. I don’t know what’s gonna happen. But, I know what I want.” 

“Me?” she says.

“Us, really.” She can see his smile through the phone.

“I like that idea,” she says. Her tears are gone. “So we just...what do we do?” 

He chuckles. “Hell, I don’t know. But I know we do something, even if it’s just a whole lot of FaceTiming, if you’re in, I’m in.” 

“I’m still scared,” she says. 

“That’s okay,” he says. His voice is soft and comforting. She misses his touch already. And she knows then that he’s right. The thought of never being with him again is way scarier than the thought of waiting for him for two months. 

She sighs, “Don’t you have a flight to catch in like 3 hours? You need to sleep.” 

“I’d rather spend the time talkin’ to you,” he says, and then promptly yawns. 

She giggles. “You can talk to me tomorrow. You can talk to me whenever you want! Just don’t die of exhaustion before I get to kiss you again.” 

His laugh comes out like a bark, and the last of her tears escape as her eyes crinkle with her smile. He sighs happily into the phone, and she’s suddenly feeling a little more fearless.


End file.
